Actually i am kind of happy to have this new space because i have got too many visitors in my SINA accout and sometimes i do not feel free to write my real feeling onto that blog in Chinese.
i guess i should write more in English as well.
sometimes it feels better if you can think and write in another language.
X-mas is coming and i am still alone and lonely. i know it is high time that i get over biggilt but the damned loneliness haunted me so often that i kept thinking of him as a kind of consolation to remind me that i was not lonely last winter.
how miserable and embarassing this is , i mean, thinking of someone who left you for no reason and stopped caring about u just to get some so-called warmth which might virtuely have not existed at all. i hate me like this!!!
yesterday, i had dinner with zhengyi. seeing him in front of me, i knew i would never fall in love with him. i did not and i will not. although we did have some fun spending time together but he simply is not my typy.
am i too mean to other people which is the reason i remain single when i am going on thirty. tonight i came to the lecture by James chou. i was surprised by the truth that he is as old as i am and yet has achieve so much more than i did. i felt like such a failure. what have i done over all these years. staying on campus all the time and refuse to be a grown-up.....
maybe some people can never be a grown-up in their lifes...
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